Mennonite Church Approves ‘Scandalous’ New Hemline


More than thirty parishioners fainted at the Harder-Dyck wedding in Swift Current this past Sunday after the bride sported a wedding dress with an ‘outrageous’ hemline just above the ankles.

“The elders recently raised the allowable hemlines and I took full advantage of the new guidelines,” said Mrs. Harder (nee Dyck). “They even allowed my bridesmaids a full six inches above the ankle!”

Further scandal occurred at the sight of the bride’s white wedding dress, which was immediately taken as a sign of worldliness and pride.

“Oba, nay! Would you look at that!” said Mr. Loewen. “The next thing you know, they’ll be exchanging wedding rings yet!”

Mr. Loewen had to be escorted from the building after the couple did just that. It was the first time in Swift Current history that a Mennonite couple had exchanged such a sinful symbol of their undying love and commitment.

“Hemlines, white dresses, wedding rings!” shouted Mr. Loewen. “You’d think this was a Lutheran church!”

Mr. Loewen died of a heart attack later in the week after witnessing “what the kids these days are wearing” at the local mall.

Calgarians Vote Not to Host Massive $5 Billion Faspa
Florida Hires Expert to Help with Election Recount