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mask

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Grocery Store to Retain Mask Rule Just So Locals Have Something to Rebel Against

August 18, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The management at the local DuperMart grocery store has decided to keep the mask law in place this summer just so that local folks can have a public place to blow off some […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Karen Accidentally Wears Mask Up Over Her Nose

July 16, 2021 Andrew

ALTONA, MB A local Karen had full intentions of making life as difficult as possible for all the minimum wage workers of Altona, when she accidentally walked into the Co-op this afternoon with her mask […]

The Daily Bonnet

Reopening Plan Allows Mennonites to Uncover their Ankles

June 21, 2021 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB There was much rejoicing in North Kildonan this week after the province announced plans to allow fully vaccinated Mennonites to walk around with their ankles exposed. “Oba, it’ll be such a relief,” […]

Unger Suspicion

Government Now Requiring Masks to Fully Cover Douchey Neck Tattoos

May 3, 2021 Andrew

THUNDER BAY, ON After nationwide protests saw a “disturbing” presence of neck tattoos, bleach-blonde hair, and mirrored sunglasses, the Government of Canada issued a new health advisory requiring “all douchey neck tattoos” to be fully […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Grandma Knits Cozy Warm Woolen Covid Masks

March 27, 2021 Andrew

NIAGARA-ON-THE-LAKE, ON Grandma Stobbe and 4/5ths of the Stobbe tauntes have been keeping themselves busy this past winter by knitting delightful wool covid masks for all their frintschoft. “Oh, dank, Oma, I love it!” said […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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