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marriage

The Daily Bonnet

Days After Wild Silvesterabend Party, Man Wakes Up as a Married, Father of Four, Living in the Chaco

January 3, 2017 Andrew

FILADELFIA, PARAGUAY As the evening began on December 31, 30-year-old Alberta Mennonite Peter Toews was a youngish trend-setter on the move. After one night of wild Silveresterabendfestivities in La Crete, however, Peter awoke this morning and […]

The Daily Bonnet

Friesen Woman to Become Froese

December 13, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Just as all the relatives expected, Alex Froese, 25, proposed to his girlfriend Samantha Friesen, 23, as soon as the snow fell this winter. The happy couple is planning a June wedding at which time […]

The Daily Bonnet

Meet the Man Your Mom Wanted You to Marry

November 16, 2016 Andrew

SILBERFELD, MB If you had only just done what your mother wanted you to do and married Mr. Friesen’s son Peter, oh, but just look where you would have ended up. “Instead of living in […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Hires CNN to ‘Fact-Check’ Her Husband

October 30, 2016 Andrew

ANAHEIM, CA Tired of “his constant BS,” local Mennonite woman, Mary Penner, 75, of Anaheim, decided to submit her husband Pete to a CNN Reality Check. “I just wasn’t sure that what he was telling […]

The Daily Bonnet

20-year-old Spinster Gives Up On Marriage

September 15, 2016 Andrew

EICHENFELD, MB After two full years at Eichenfeld Bible School and a steady stream of boyfriends who didn’t propose, local spinster, Rosemary B. Ratzlaff, who turns twenty this month, says she has given up hope of ever […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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