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knackzoat

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Tucks His Beloved Ronnie’s Into Bed For the Night

July 30, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After decades of searching for love with no success, local man Arnold Hiebert, 63, has finally found his lifelong companion. Arnold is now officially betrothed to a bag of Ronnie’s Jumbo dill pickle […]

Unger & Thirst

Faint Line Indicates Presence of Knackzoat in the Blood

April 24, 2022 Andrew

WALDHEIM, SK Mr. Derek Wiebe of Waldheim, Saskatchewan is just one in a long line of local residents who’ve tested positive for knackzoat in recent weeks. “I waited the full 15 minutes and it was […]

The Daily Bonnet

From Knackzoat to Plumi Moos: Five Amazing New Gifts in MCC’s Annual Christmas Giving Guide

November 15, 2021 Andrew

Christmas is a time of giving and generosity. Ever year at Christmas, the MCC offers folks the chance to choose items to donate from their gift giving guide. In addition to old favourites like wells, mosquito […]

Unger Suspicion

Critics Call New ‘Dueck’ Movie Just a Rip-off of ‘Star Wars’

November 11, 2021 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Although many have praised the performance of young star Timothéeeeeeeee Schellenmet, critics have found many parallels between the new Dueck movie and its clear influence Star Wars. “It’s like Star Wars except they’re […]

Unger Suspicion

Heather Stefanson Finds Huge Mound of Zoat Left Over in Premier’s Office

November 2, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After two months in office, Manitoba’s first Mennonite premier sure knacked a lot of zoat. This, according to new premier Heather Stefanson, who had to hire a backhoe to remove all of Kelvin […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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