After decades of searching for love with no success, local man Arnold Hiebert, 63, has finally found his lifelong companion. Arnold is now officially betrothed to a bag of Ronnie’s Jumbo dill pickle flavour.
“I had to get a king size bed,” said Arnold, who had been living with his 88-year-old mother until recently shacking up with his beloved bag of zoat. “Now every night I grab a fresh bowl, rip open the Ronnie’s Jumbo, and binge watch a few hours of Prison Break.”
By the time he falls asleep, Arnold has usually amassed more shells than his bowl can hold, but so far knacking zoat in bed has not caused disturbed his sleeping patterns.
“I usually give the sheets a good once over with the dust buster,” said Arnold. “Only once did I wake up with a shell lodged in my back. But that was nothing Dr. Penner and a good pair of tweezers couldn’t handle.”
Arnold said he may soon have to go to the Co-op for a new bag of Ronnie’s, but says his church approves of such behaviour.
“As long as I’m not knacking Spitz on the side, they say it’s okay,” said Arnold. “For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, Ronnie’s will be mine forever.”