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knackzoat

Unger & Thirst

New Abbotsford AHL Team to Be Named the Knackzoats

June 30, 2021 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC With the announcement this week that the Vancouver Canucks AHL affiliate is moving to Abbotsford, the choice of names was an easy decision for the team. “We’ve got the Vancouver Canucks and dan […]

Unger & Thirst

Altona Votes to Adopt Knackzoat as Legal Tender

June 10, 2021 Andrew

ALTONA, MB A referendum held in the southern Manitoba town of Altona this week resulted in a 92% vote in favour of adopting knackzoat as legal tender. “Currently we’ve set the exchange rate at one […]

Unger & Thirst

Manitoba Knackzoat Reservations Surge on Opening Day

April 7, 2021 Andrew

BIRDS HILL, MB On opening day of knackzoat reservations, millions of Manitoba Mennonites rushed to be first to reserve their sunflower seed spitting spot for summer 2021. “We had a great spot at Birds Hill […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Fits Entire Bag of Spitz in His Mouth at Once

October 3, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Area man Steve Toews, 38, is being hailed as a local hero this week after he stuffed an entire bag of dill pickle Spitz in his mouth at once. “It was the church […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Man Totally Hooked on ‘Mennonite Marijuana’

August 14, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Even though more potent product is now legal for use in Canada, nothing can stop Mr. Klassen, 83, from chowing down “Mennonite marijuana” every chance he can get. “I get this stuff so […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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