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holidays

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Grandma Can Finally Sleep Tonight Because She Didn’t Run Out of Food at the Gathering

August 19, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mrs. Pankratz can count on a good solid six hours of sleep tonight after the family gathering that she’d been worrying about for months came and went without a single person starving to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Senator Gets Lost on the Way to Landmark, Manitoba

January 8, 2021 Andrew

LANDMARK, MB On his way to Landmark, Manitoba during the holidays, Canadian Senator Don Plett got totally disoriented and somehow wound up in a beautiful Mexican resort instead. “Diewel, these roads are confusing,” said Plett. […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Mennonite Heritage Week’ Comes and Goes Without a Single Mennonite Noticing

September 18, 2020 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON The second annual Mennonite Heritage Week came and went this year without a single Mennonite in the entire country noticing. “Really? Mennonite Heritage Week? Was that this week?” wondered Mr. Zehr of Waterloo. […]

Unger Suspicion

Devout American Christians Gather to Enthusiastically Worship False Idol Today

July 4, 2020 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Millions of pious God-fearing Bible-believing Christians across America are gathering today to sing songs of glory, honour, and praise to the golden calf US flag and constitution. “It’s our most sacred holiday,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

Paska Buns Kept Six Feet Apart to Keep Mennonites Safe

April 11, 2020 Andrew

NEUBERGTHAL, MB Mrs. Martens of Neubergthal has spaced out all her paska buns six feet apart this Easter to make sure no one catches any undesirable illnesses. “I got the tape measure and laid them […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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