HARRISONBURG, VA 23-year-old Eastern Mennonite University student Cara Witmer underwent emergency surgery on Monday to remove an iPhone 6s, which had been lodged in her left hand since late 2015. “It was touch and go […]
GOSHEN, IN Local woman Mrs. Dorothy Shenk, 71, passed away this week after being asked to serve on yet another church committee. Before her untimely death by committee, Mrs. Shenk was happily serving on the […]
In the days before we became lazy and assimilated, Mennonites wouldn’t concern themselves with such things. We worked hard all day on the farm, where we could easily sweat out even the very fattiest of […]
HERBERT, SK One young man is on life support at the Herbert Hospital after a late night game of Russian Mennonite Roulette did not go as planned. Arnold Vogt, 20, was rushed to Emergency with severe […]
CHIHUAHUA, MEXICO With legalization of marijuana on the near horizon in Canada, the Mennonite mafia has decided to use their already well-established network of dealers to hawk legal weed. “Oba, we yust couldn’t pass app […]
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