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Unger Suspicion

Embarrassed Manitoba Premier Seeks Treatment for Premature Election

June 19, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Yes, men, it happens to everybody. Even the Premier of Manitoba. Once thought to have the “strength and stamina of a mule,” this week Premier Pallister suffered an embarrassing bout of premature election. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Choking Mennonite Man Saved by the Heinrichs Maneuver

June 15, 2019 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN Local man, Mr. Wiebe fe’schuckled himself on a watermelon seed at the church picnic this weekend, but thanks to some quick thinking by one of the Heinrichs boys, he was saved. “I […]

Unger Suspicion

Toronto Raptors Hire New Trajchtmoaka

June 8, 2019 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After witnessing the incredible healing powers of his touch, hip-hop superstar and NBA megafan Drake has been hired by the Toronto Raptors as official team trajchtmoaka. “It’s a new position for us. Something […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Phone Book Now Offered Exclusively in Large Print

May 27, 2019 Andrew

STEINWERK, MB The annual local phone book will now be available exclusively in large print. The change is seen as a way of catering to the only demographic that still actually uses phone books. “The town […]

Unger & Thirst

Dentyne Gum Fails to Mask Aroma of Cigarettes on Mennonite Woman’s Breath

May 21, 2019 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Pastor Dave busted more than three dozen members of his youth group this past week after they naively thought a few sticks of Dentyne gum would cover up the smell of their Marlboros. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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