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The Daily Bonnet

The 5 Best ASMR Videos for Mennonites!

August 20, 2019 Andrew

What the schissjat is ASMR? Well, I’m not really sure, but my cousin says she gets a tingly feeling by watching some vid-yos on the YouTubes. I said, ‘Nah, Maria, it doesn’t give such’ but […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Becomes ‘Completely Hooked’ on the Pink Stuff

August 12, 2019 Andrew

BLUMENHOF, MB Mr. Bergman of Blumenhof has been undergoing intensive counseling with the pastor this week after it was discovered he had an unhealthy obsession with the pink stuff on formavorscht ever since he discovered […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Hospitalized After Eating Too Far Into the Green Part

August 4, 2019 Andrew

MANITOBA COLONY, MEXICO Mr. Wiebe had to be rushed to the hospital in Cuauhtemoc this week after he failed to heed the warnings of all those around him and ate well into the green part. […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Woman Sells ‘Essential Mennonite Oils’

July 23, 2019 Andrew

BLUMENFELD, SK Local woman Mrs. Hiebert has launched a new alternative medicine program aimed at restoring Mennonites to health and vitality “through a specially designed program of concentrated hydrophobic essential Mennonite oils.” “Through extensive scientific […]

Unger Conviction

Affluent Attention-Starved Couple Lodges Complaint Against Pastor for Not Visiting them as Often as Actual People in Need

July 13, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A local couple, the Penners, has filed a complaint against Pastor Dan for not visiting them as much as Mrs. Wiebe who’s been stricken with a terminal illness and Mr. Plett who’s been […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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