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Unger & Thirst

Municipality Approves the Sale of Hash Brownies at Church Bake Sales

November 9, 2017 Andrew

SCHANZENSCHANTZ, MB The Rural Municipality of Schanzenschantz Manitoba voted last week to approve the sale of hashish brownies at church bake sales in the area. The vote came after the Province announced full control of […]

Unger Suspicion

Abe Claims Landslide Victory in Japanese Election

October 24, 2017 Andrew

TOKYO, JAPAN Abe from Winkler was shocked to discover he had somehow been elected Prime Minister of Japan. “The support of the Japanese people is overwhelming,” said Abe from Winkler, with a tear in his […]

The Daily Bonnet

Province to Enforce Demilitarized Zone Between Morden and Winkler

September 17, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER-MORDEN, MB In order to ease tensions in the region, a mile-wide demilitarized zone has been established between the twin Mennonite cities of Morden and Winkler. The Pembina Valley DMZ will act as a buffer […]

Unger Suspicion

What Should Saskatchewan Premier Brad Wall Do In Retirement?

August 11, 2017 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK Brad Wall, popular long-serving Premier of Saskatchewan, and the only Mennonite Premier in Canada, announced Thursday that he would be retiring from politics in the near future. Mennonites across Saskatchewan were saddened and […]

The Daily Bonnet

Credit Unions Forced to Conduct All Business in Low German

July 28, 2017 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Starting this August, the federal government will be enforcing decades old legislation that requires all credit union workers to refrain from speaking English, a language reserved exclusively for banks. “Only actual bankers will be […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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