Abe Claims Landslide Victory in Japanese Election


Abe from Winkler was shocked to discover he had somehow been elected Prime Minister of Japan.

“The support of the Japanese people is overwhelming,” said Abe from Winkler, with a tear in his eye. “Who knew that a humble corn farmer from the Pembina Valley could rise to the top of the Japanese political system without so much as even entering the election. It’s remarkable!”

So what plans does Abe from Winkler have for the future of Japan?

“I don’t want to change too much too soon,” said Abe from Winkler, “but I would like to move the Japanese economy in a more Mennonite direction. I’d like to see Nintendo move into manufacturing crokinole boards and Toyota branch into buggies. They might be a bit more expensive than your regular domestic buggies, but better quality and more reliable.”

Abe from Winkler plans to host an extravagant dinner in his own honour in Tokyo this fall.

“We’ll have raw balogna sashimi and sushi with formavorscht rather than tuna,” said Abe from Winkler. “It’ll be quite the feast.”

Critics are concerned that these measures will have a negative effect on Japan’s life expectancy, which is currently one of the highest in the world. On the other hand, Shinzo Abe had intended to rewrite Japan’s pacifist constitution, while Abe from Winkler has no such plans.

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