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frugality

The Daily Bonnet

Morden Man Successfully Stretches Penny Into Copper Wire

November 29, 2016 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Local man, Reginald F. Braun, 63, has been dubbed the ‘Mennonite King Midas’ after becoming the first person to stretch a penny into copper wire. “That old Mr. Braun is just amazing,” said one […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Store Offers Amazing 10% Off Black Friday Sale

November 25, 2016 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON In order to keep Southern Ontario Mennonites from zipping over the border for Black Friday deals, local Mennonite businesses have drastically reduced prices in order to compete. Rempel Electronics, for example, is offering unprecedented […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonites Collect Hundreds of Empty Shoe Boxes to Send Overseas

October 23, 2016 Andrew

REINFELD, MB Generous Mennonites throughout the Reinfeld area will once again be collecting empty shoeboxes this year to send to needy children in time for the holidays. “Many people stuff the shoeboxes with clothes, books, and other […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Going Out of Business’ Sale Attracts Thousands of First Time Customers

October 18, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB First-time customers arrived in droves this weekend to check out Dueck Hardware’s going-out-of-business sale. The hardware store, started on Main Street in 1973 by Mr. Peter V. Dueck, has served the community for […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Free Dance Lessons’ Creates Profound Existential Crisis in Mennonite Town

October 5, 2016 Andrew

SOMMERFELD, PARAGUAY Residents of a small Mennonite town were sent into deep existential angst on Wednesday when a sign went up in town offering ‘Free Dance Lessons.’ “As a Mennonite I’m obligated to take anything […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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