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football

The Daily Bonnet

Fight Breaks Out Over Coat at Local Thrift Store

November 25, 2021 Andrew

SEWARD, NE There was an all out brawl at the local thrift store this afternoon after a lovely faux fur winter coat was spotted by two Mennonite women simultaneously. “I saw it first!” yelled Mrs. […]

Unger Suspicion

Jets Change Time of December 5 Game to Accommodate Faspa

October 27, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After it was discovered that the Winnipeg Blue Bombers’ home playoff game on Sunday December 5 was in direct conflict with the Jets game at the same time, it became immediately clear that […]

Unger Games

Mrs. Friesen Signed On as New Bombers Kicker

October 11, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After cycling through a series of placekickers who couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn door, the Winnipeg Blue Bombers scoured the streets of North Kildonan in search of someone, anyone, who […]

Unger Games

Edmonton Elks to Face the Calgary Grammar Police in Season Opener

June 13, 2021 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB The Edmonton Elks will face the Calgary Grammar Police in the CFL season opener on August 6 at Commonwealth Stadium. “It’ll be a battle for the ages as the Calgary Grammar Police will […]

Unger Conviction

Tim Tebow Signs with Mennonite Church, but Not as QB

May 10, 2021 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Famed Evangelical Christian quarterback Tim Tebow has signed a new deal with the North South Side Mennonite Church of Goshen, Indiana to serve as Associate Pastor. “Pastor Jim will be quarterbacking this congregation […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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