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football

Unger Games

Edmonton Elks to Face the Calgary Grammar Police in Season Opener

June 13, 2021 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB The Edmonton Elks will face the Calgary Grammar Police in the CFL season opener on August 6 at Commonwealth Stadium. “It’ll be a battle for the ages as the Calgary Grammar Police will […]

Unger Conviction

Tim Tebow Signs with Mennonite Church, but Not as QB

May 10, 2021 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Famed Evangelical Christian quarterback Tim Tebow has signed a new deal with the North South Side Mennonite Church of Goshen, Indiana to serve as Associate Pastor. “Pastor Jim will be quarterbacking this congregation […]

Unger Suspicion

Tom Brady Signs Massive $50 Million Geritol Endorsement Deal

March 16, 2021 Andrew

TAMPA BAY, FL Aging NFL quarterback Tom Brady has signed a new two-year deal worth close to $50 million to endorse Geritol multivitamins. “I figure by the time I’m done this new contact with the […]

Unger Games

Dwayne Johnson ‘Guaran-damn-tee’s He Won’t Totally Destroy the CFL

March 14, 2021 Andrew

TORONTO, ON The CFL announced this week that they’re in talks with a former pro wrestler to potentially throw away 150 years of Canadian football tradition in exchange for a bit part in the next […]

The Daily Bonnet

Tickets for Mennonite Hip-Hop Musical ‘Hostetler’ Impossible to Get

February 19, 2021 Andrew

HOLLSOPPLE, PA Tickets for the new hip-hop musical telling the life story of former NFL quarterback Jeff Hostetler were snatched up so quickly that even Mrs. Kauffman couldn’t get her hands on a pair. “I’ve […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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