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football

Unger Games

Every Self-Respecting Mennonite Cheering for Paraguay in World Cup Opener Friday

June 11, 2026 Andrew

LOS ANGELES, CA Every single Mennonite on the planet will be cheering on Paraguay as they face off against the Americans in the World Cup opener this Friday evening. “They’ll be cheering in Spanish. They’ll […]

The Daily Bonnet

Cuauhtémoc Selected as 2026 World Cup Host City

April 29, 2026 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, CHIHUAHUA, MEXICO The 2026 World Cup host cities have been announced and surprisingly ever single one of them is located in a place that’ll be real convenient for Mennonite audiences. Among the choices are […]

Unger Games

Jason Kelce Spotted on Manitoba Farm in Full Mennonite Attire

March 11, 2026 Andrew

RIVERTON, MB Days after arriving in Manitoba to film his latest movie, Taylor Swift’s inlaw Jason Kelce has decided to retire to a simpler life on the farm. “I realized that Hollywood is not for […]

Unger Games

Area Man to Pretend Super Bowl Actually Matters to Distract Himself from Everything Else Going On in the World Right Now

January 28, 2026 Andrew

SANTA CLARA, CA Area man Jake Loewen, 41, is really gearing up for the Super Bowl this weekend to distract himself from thinking about all the messed up things that have been going on lately. […]

Unger Games

CFL Unveils New Logo

September 23, 2025 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After a series of highly popular rule changes this week, the Canadian Football League has unveiled a brand new logo modelled after Cracker Barrel. “We know how well that worked for them,” said […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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