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football

Unger Conviction

Church AGM Scheduled to Coincide with Most Important Game of the Season

February 23, 2023 Andrew

NEWTON, KS The Eighth Mennonite Church of Newton, Kansas obliged all its members to show up and approve the budget right in the middle of the big game this past week. “Yeah, well, too bad. […]

Unger Games

Spy Balloon Drops Bogus Penalty Flag Onto Field During Dying Minutes of Super Bowl

February 13, 2023 Andrew

GLENDALE, AZ With less than two minutes to go in Super Bowl LVII, an inexplicable penalty flag mysteriously appeared on the field, leaving officials wondering what to do. “Hey, Harold, where’d that flag come from?” […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Attends Super Bowl Party Just for the Snacks

February 12, 2023 Andrew

AKRON, PA Even before the opening kickoff, Mrs. Funk had already filled three Tupperware containers with snacks at the West Akron Mennonite Church Super Bowl party. “What a beautiful array of dainties this year,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

Argentina Runs Out of Yerba Mate Moments After World Cup Victory

December 18, 2022 Andrew

LA PAMPA COLONY, ARGENTINA After consuming more than 100 million kilos of yerba mate in just 90 minutes, the supply of green leafy tea in the World Cup champion nation of Argentina, is now completely […]

Unger Games

Mennonite Man Shuts Off Vikings Game at Half Time

December 17, 2022 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN Disgusted at his team’s performance, area man Pete Klassen shut off the TV at half time as his team was down 33-0. “Oba, I’ve had enough!” said Klassen tossing the remote control […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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