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fashion

Unger Suspicion

How to Totally Rock Your Mother’s Hand-Me-Down Bathing Suit This Summer!

June 20, 2019 Andrew

Your mother’s given you a lot of things: her smile, her hips, and probably some used clothes you just don’t know what the heck to do with. Well, don’t worry, ladies! There’s no reason to […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Sells New ‘What Would Jansen Do’ Bracelets

April 21, 2019 Andrew

BEATRICE, NE In honour of long-term elder Mr. Jansen, the ECCM Mennonite Church of Beatrice has introduced a new product for sale in the church book store: a limited-edition ‘What Would Jansen Do?’ bracelet. “You […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Judges to Score Miss America Swimsuit Competition

September 1, 2018 Andrew

LAS VEGAS, NV For the first time since the pagent began almost 100 years ago, Miss America’s swimsuit competition will be judged exclusively by a panel of Mennonite church deacons. “Our criteria may be a little […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Mows Lawn Only Slightly More Frequently than He Shaves

August 1, 2018 Andrew

NORTH NEWTON, KS After years of pestering from his wife Frida, local man Ben Wiebe of North Newton finally broke down and shaved his face this afternoon. The lawn, however, was left at a record […]

Unger Suspicion

Don Cherry Says Suit is Inspired By Mennonite Floor Patterns

May 31, 2018 Andrew

TORONTO, ON CBC broadcasting legend Don Cherry is known for his loud clothing, but throughout the playoffs he has been sporting “suits inspired by Mennonite floor patterns.” “I’ve been to Neubergthal and the museum there […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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