‘Oma Krahn’ Variant Spreads Like Wildfire in Mennonite Country


It seems a new variant has been tailor-made to spread like wildfire in Mennonite communities. Scientists have just discovered the Oma Krahn strain, which first appeared at a soup and pie fundraiser in La Crete before spreading all over from there.

“Oma Krahn is certainly making the rounds,” said Dr. Loeppky. “And let me tell you, she doesn’t look happy.”

Folks who’ve got within proximity of Oma Krahn have been forced to be in bed by 8 with the lights out as well as wake up super early to feed the pigs.

“Oma Krahn don’t take no crap from anyone,” said Loeppky. “You should see what she does if you don’t finish three full helpings of her famous liverwurst bubbat.”

Apparently the only thing that can stop Oma Krahn is a good wax.

“I know Mennonites don’t like to get waxed. Especially the men aren’t used to it,” said Loeppky. “But let me tell you, Oma Krahn will rip the hairs right off your chest herself if she finds out you aren’t waxed.”

Oma Krahn says she much prefers to be called a “strain” rather than a variant.

“It’s what I’m know for across La Crete,” said Oma Krahn. “I can strain noodles like you’d never believe. Not to mention all the straining I do reaching those Mason jars in the cellar.”

Mennonites are reportedly taking Oma Krahn very seriously but not a single Mennonite we interviewed was the least bit worried about her companion Opa Krahn.

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