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drugs

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Really Excited About New Pfizer Product

November 16, 2020 Andrew

TABER, AB Word of a new 90% effective Pfizer product has caused quite the stir in Mennonite communities across North America today. “Wow, this’ll really do wonders on our meddachschlop life,” said Mrs. Kliewer. “Lord knows, […]

Unger & Thirst

Hash Brownie Recipe Discovered in Antique Mennonite Cookbook

July 6, 2020 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Mennonite Recipes of Lancaster County is thought to be the oldest Swiss Mennonite cookbook in the world. Little was known about the content of the very first edition until now. Recently a rare […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Grow-ops Switch to Making Hand Sanitizer

April 3, 2020 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Since the recent health crisis, thousands of grow-ops throughout British Columbia have been ditching the recreational drugs and converting their facilities to the full-scale production of hand sanitizer. “It’s just one way of […]

Unger Suspicion

Cheech & Chong Heading Straight for Niverville

November 27, 2019 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB After hearing the results of the recent cannabis plebiscite in the Mennonite town of Niverville, Cheech & Chong loaded up their VW van and hope to be in town by this weekend. “We’ll […]

Unger & Thirst

Feds to Open Forty New Safe Schmaunt Fat Injection Sites

November 21, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON The federal government just announced this week a plan to open up more than forty supervised injection sites in Mennonite communities around the country. “We’re going to provide people with cottage cheese and […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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