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driving

The Daily Bonnet

Apple Introduces New Siri Voice with Mennonite Accent

January 15, 2018 Andrew

CUPERTINO, CA Recent changes to Apple’s Siri and Maps mean that Mennonites across the Americas will have the chance to receive directions to the nearest Chicken Chef in a comforting Plautdietsch accent. Starting January 15, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Retired ‘Main Street Cruiser’ to Become ‘Sunday Driver’

October 23, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local man Menno Fast, 61, is officially retiring from driving up and down Winkler Main Street in his ’96 Honda Civic on Friday nights to, instead, drive really slow in an ’03 Buick […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach Drivers Voted the ‘Best in the Country’

June 5, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB For years, visitors and locals alike have commented with great enthusiasm about the superlative driving skills of Steinbach residents. This reputation was solidified on Monday after the National Automobile Association awarded Steinbach Top Prize […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man to Drive the Entire Trans-Canada Highway in the Left Lane

May 10, 2017 Andrew

HALIFAX, NS Mennonite man Paul Warkentin is about to embark on a cross-country journey in his ’03 Malibu to raise awareness about safe and courteous driving. The entire trip, which begins in Halifax on Monday, […]

The Daily Bonnet

’25 Minutes to Steinbach’ Sign Fails to Withstand Scientific Testing

April 3, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB For decades a sign just outside of Winnipeg on Highway 1 informed drivers that they were just “25 minutes” from Steinbach, the Automobile City. However, rigorous scientific research has proven that the 25 minute estimate […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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