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Unger Conviction

Dual Headstone Eagerly Awaits Death of Spouse

August 23, 2025 Andrew

KORN, OK When Jake Penner passed away in 2008, his wife Martha promptly had her own name added to the headstone in anticipation of her eventual demise. “But it’s been 17 years and I’m still […]

Unger Conviction

Deceased Man Has No Idea His Funeral Being Used for Fire and Brimstone Altar Call

November 2, 2024 Andrew

EBENHORST, SK A deceased Mennonite man from Ebenhorst has absolutely no clue his death and funeral is being used as an excuse by zealous young pastor Jim to emotionally manipulate the audience towards repentance. “Hey, […]

Unger & Thirst

Raisin Buns at Church Lunch Seen as ‘Really Bad Omen’

April 6, 2023 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB As the Kleefeld MBCC church gathered for their spring lunch this week, many Mennonites felt a little uneasy as each table had a basket of raisin buns. “What are they trying to tell […]

Unger Conviction

Deceased Members of “One True Church” Find Heaven Super Lonely

November 27, 2020 Andrew

HEAVEN Deceased members of a local congregation claiming to have “figured it all out once and for all back in 1973” have found Heaven super boring and lonely. “I’ve been up here since the summer […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Attends Funerals Just for All the Free Food

September 29, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mrs. Doerksen has a busy funeral schedule this week attending all the funerals of people with whom she had only marginal acquaintance. “It’s a good place to stock up on cheese curds and […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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