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The Daily Bonnet

Missing CMU Student Discovered Beneath a Mountain of Hauerwas Books

April 4, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After an extensive nationwide search, CMU Theology student Brian Schmidt was discovered unconscious this past Friday in his dorm room beneath an enormous pile of Stanley Hauerwas books. “Brian’s recovering at the local hospital,” said his […]

The Daily Bonnet

Students Petition CMU for ‘Hipster Discount’

September 7, 2016 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A group of millennial students at Canadian Mennonite University have asked the institution for a discount on their tuition because they are hipsters. “Children of alumni, missionary kids, pastor’s kids – they all […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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