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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Judges to Score Miss America Swimsuit Competition

September 1, 2018 Andrew

LAS VEGAS, NV For the first time since the pagent began almost 100 years ago, Miss America’s swimsuit competition will be judged exclusively by a panel of Mennonite church deacons. “Our criteria may be a little […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Spends Entire Summer Sitting in Lawn Chair on Front Lawn Wearing Nothing but Gitch

July 14, 2018 Andrew

SCHANZENBERGENFELD, MB Peter Dueck, 72, of Schanzenbergenfeld has spent all summer, wearing nothing but a pair of white briefs, and sitting in his front lawn staring at his neighbours. In that time, Dueck has consumed […]

Unger Conviction

Pastor’s Wife Wears ‘I Really Don’t Care, Do You?’ Jacket to Church

June 24, 2018 Andrew

AKRON, PA Mrs. Melanie Troyer, 43, wife of Reverend Dilbert Troyer, showed up to church this morning sporting a “I Really Don’t Care, Do You?” jacket that she purchased online at Zara. The Troyers were […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Caught Smuggling Dirty Rubber Boots Across the Border

June 19, 2018 Andrew

WINDSOR, ON A Canadian Mennonite family has been detained at the Windsor-Detroit border this afternoon after the Canadian border officer spotted Mr. Friesen’s dirty rubber boots and suspected their might be a problem. “How long […]

Unger Suspicion

Don Cherry Says Suit is Inspired By Mennonite Floor Patterns

May 31, 2018 Andrew

TORONTO, ON CBC broadcasting legend Don Cherry is known for his loud clothing, but throughout the playoffs he has been sporting “suits inspired by Mennonite floor patterns.” “I’ve been to Neubergthal and the museum there […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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