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clothes

Unger Suspicion

Mennonites Rejoice as NHL Finally Bans Military Appreciation Jerseys

June 24, 2023 Andrew

GERMANTOWN, PA “I used to be a big NHL fan until they were putting all this military stuff in my face,” says Mr. Shenk of Germantown. “If you’re into that, fine, but I don’t need […]

Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Frequents Thrift Store to Avoid Doing Laundry

May 29, 2023 Andrew

NEWTON, KS Local MCC volunteers have finally discovered why local woman, Erin Friesen, 44, of Newton, Kansas frequents their store 3 or 4 times a week. “Every time she’s got a load of laundry to […]

Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Fined by Airline for Trying Baggage Hack of Wearing All Her Clothes

May 25, 2023 Andrew

ST. CATHERINE’S, ON Mrs. Berg of St. Catherine’s, Ontario received a $606 fine after attempting to board her Air Canada flight to Kitchener this afternoon wearing all her clothes. “Got any bags to check?” said […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadian Olympic Team to Wear Dirty Mennonite Overalls and Shit Kickers

April 16, 2021 Andrew

TOKYO, JAPAN The brand new outfit for the 2021 Canadian Olympic Team has been revealed: a pair of dirty Mennonite overalls and shit kicker boots. “We wanted the team to stand-out from the crowd, so […]

The Daily Bonnet

“I Thought it Said ‘Make Altona Great Again'” says MP

January 9, 2021 Andrew

ALTONA, MB After literally minutes of controversy, Portage-Lisgar MP Candice Bergen is finally speaking out about the undated photo of her wearing a camo MAGA hat. “I thought it said ‘Make Altona Great Again,’” Bergen […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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