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Unger Conviction

Mennonite Boy Takes Girl to Church on First Date

November 22, 2021 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Nervous Peter, 18, finally worked up the courage to ask out Melissa who sits three seats in front of him in Mr. Epp’s period 3 Math class at WC Miller Collegiate. To his […]

Unger Conviction

Local Church Becomes 7-Eleven Franchise So it Can Reopen as an Essential Service

December 9, 2020 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK The EGCMB Church of Saskatoon has installed five Slurpee machines and a place to rotate the wieners so that they can reopen as an essential business this Sunday. “Come for the gospel, stay […]

Unger Conviction

Guilt Levels Reach Record Lows as Mennonites Stay Home on Sundays

March 24, 2020 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Mennonites around the globe were feeling a lot more chill about their behaviour than normal after not attending church services the past couple weeks. “It’s strange. I feel kind of free, you […]

Unger Conviction

Americans Left Completely Religionless as Sports Shut Down

March 14, 2020 Andrew

PHILADELPHIA, PA Millions of Americans have been left without a religion to call their own as all the professional sports leagues on the continent have shut down due to the pandemic. “Well, I guess I’m […]

Unger Conviction

First Mennonite Church Shall Become Last

March 11, 2020 Andrew

ROSENHOF, MB In an effort to appear more humble the First Mennonite Church of Rosenhof is changing its name to the Last Mennonite Church of Rosenhof. “We’re proud of how humble we are,” said Pastor […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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