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Unger Conviction

Guilt Levels Reach Record Lows as Mennonites Stay Home on Sundays

March 24, 2020 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Mennonites around the globe were feeling a lot more chill about their behaviour than normal after not attending church services the past couple weeks. “It’s strange. I feel kind of free, you […]

Unger Conviction

Americans Left Completely Religionless as Sports Shut Down

March 14, 2020 Andrew

PHILADELPHIA, PA Millions of Americans have been left without a religion to call their own as all the professional sports leagues on the continent have shut down due to the pandemic. “Well, I guess I’m […]

Unger Conviction

First Mennonite Church Shall Become Last

March 11, 2020 Andrew

ROSENHOF, MB In an effort to appear more humble the First Mennonite Church of Rosenhof is changing its name to the Last Mennonite Church of Rosenhof. “We’re proud of how humble we are,” said Pastor […]

Unger Conviction

Church Meeting Delayed Four Hours Waiting for a Seconder

October 23, 2019 Andrew

DALLAS, OR The annual church meeting in Dallas, Oregon went into overtime this past Sunday after everyone was too reserved and shy to second the motion to accept the minutes from last year’s meeting. “As […]

Unger & Thirst

Mourners Devastated After Mennonite Funeral Runs Short on Raisin Buns

September 5, 2019 Andrew

SOUTH BLUMENORT, MB Thousands of Mennonites were expecting to gorge on raisin buns at the Wiebe funeral this past week, but were left “completely devastated” after the organizers ran out of their supply after just […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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