HENDERSON, NE A bunch of Friesens will have be rebaptized this week after it was discovered that Pastor John had been using Plautdietsch when he should have been using High German. “Everyone knows the Bible […]
PHOENIX, AZ Thousands of Roman Catholics who were incorrectly baptized by a local priest will have to be rebaptized pronto or risk eternal damnation. “For decades I said ‘we baptize you’ when I should have […]
Statistics Canada has just released the results of the 2021 census and there are many startling revelations about the country’s Mennonite population. Let’s have a look! Average Mennonite net worth: 73 acres of flax and […]
HILLSBORO, KS Local man Mr. Klassen has lived his whole life with deep-seated fears that his pouring baptism at the age of 19 just wasn’t good enough. “So, I’ve finally decided to get dunked,” said […]
FRESNO, CA Desperate to capture the lucrative 25-40 market, the First Mennonite Brethren Church of Fresno has decided that all baptisms during the month of October will be conducted with Mrs. Jansen’s famous pumpkin spice […]
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