ZURICH, SWITZERLAND The Mennonite Supreme Court in Zurich ruled 5-4 this weekend that “life begins at baptism around the age of 18 just before you get married.” “If you’re not a baptized member of the […]
HENDERSON, NE A bunch of Friesens will have be rebaptized this week after it was discovered that Pastor John had been using Plautdietsch when he should have been using High German. “Everyone knows the Bible […]
PHOENIX, AZ Thousands of Roman Catholics who were incorrectly baptized by a local priest will have to be rebaptized pronto or risk eternal damnation. “For decades I said ‘we baptize you’ when I should have […]
Statistics Canada has just released the results of the 2021 census and there are many startling revelations about the country’s Mennonite population. Let’s have a look! Average Mennonite net worth: 73 acres of flax and […]
WASHINGTON, DC After going through the process a second time, President Trump has become the world’s first member of the radical Ana-Impeachment sect. “I was worried the first impeachment wouldn’t count,” said Trump. “After all, […]
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