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alcohol

Unger & Thirst

Liquor Stores Remove Russian Vodka from Shelves Without Any Mennonites Noticing

March 7, 2022 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB Not a single one of Manitoba’s more than 700,000 Mennonites would admit to noticing the fact that local liquor stores had removed Russian vodka from the shelves. “Oh, that’s certainly news to […]

Unger & Thirst

Winkler Supermarket Starts Selling Liquor to Convince Mennonites to Cover Their Faces

January 20, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Earlier this week Winkler’s favourite grocery store Seea Goot Mart added vodka and rum to store shelves in an effort to convince locals to cover their faces like they’re supposed to. “I guess […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Excited as Masks are Finally Being Handed Out at the Liquor Store

January 14, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mennonites across southern Manitoba were elated at the announcement that masks would be made available at liquor stores throughout the province. “I’ve got to be protected…” said Mr. Buhler of Winkler, “against the […]

Unger & Thirst

How to Drink Whiskey: A Guide for Mennonites

September 24, 2021 Andrew

Whiskey is back! Even Mennonites are getting in on the action. However, to those who may be new to Mennonite whiskey drinking, we offer this handy guide. How to drink whiskey: a guide for Mennonites! […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Invite You to Celebrate their Heritage by Abstaining from Drinking and Dancing All Week

September 14, 2021 Andrew

ST. JACOBS, ON It’s Mennonite Heritage Week once again and that means all Canadians are welcome to join us as we refrain from drinking and dancing all this week. “It’s going to be to most […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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