Steinbachers to Vote on Whether to Legalize Romaine Lettuce


After dozens of people have taken ill from E. coli-tainted romaine lettuce, Steinbach city council decided it was time to see how locals felt about this dangerous and addictive substance.

“We’re gonna do what we always do in Steinbach with issues like this: absolve ourselves of responsibility by holding a plebiscite in the old folk’s home,” said city councilor Pieta Ratzlaff. “The question is simple: ‘Should romaine lettuce be sold in Steinbach stores? Yo or Nay?'”

With a hot topic like romaine lettuce, Steinbach politicians were nervous about taking a position on the issue. Most answers were rather wishy-washy.

“I could go either way on this. I mean, I think it’s a complex issue. I mean, there are two sides to everything. Consumption of something like romaine lettuce is a personal choice,” said Mr. Ratzlaff. “I’ll be very curious to hear what all the tax payers think of this issue.”

Early polls suggest, Steinbach seniors voters were overwhelmingly in favour of banning any kind of non-pickled vegetable in the city.

“If it grows in the ground, we don’t want it in town!” yelled one man.

“If it isn’t meat, it ain’t proper to eat!” yelled another.

The referendum will also ask the people whether they want to purchase laptops for city council, whether they want Harlequin or Streetheart at Summer in the City next year, and whether Miriam Toews books should be allowed in the Jake Epp Library.

(photo credit: Alpha/CC)

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