New Bombers Quarterback Inspired By Patrik Laine’s Mennonite Beard


Rookie Winnipeg Blue Bombers quarterback Chris Streveler filled in for an injured Matt Nichols on Friday night and led the team to a 56-10 rout over the Montreal Alouettes. As notable as his fantastic play at pivot, was Streveler’s facial hair, which bore an eery resemblance to another young Winnipeg phenom.

“I spent a lot of time with the Hutterites in South Dakota,” said Streveler. “So that was one inspiration. The other was Patrik Laine. If it worked for him, I figured it might work for me.”

Mennonite-inspired facial hair seems to be taking Manitoba by storm as of late, and commentators are speculating whether it might be more than just a silly superstition.

“They always said of Michael Jordan that it must be the shoes,” said TSN analyst Milt Stegall. “Well, I’m beginning to think it must be the straggly Mennonite beard. There’s simply no other explanation.”

Other rookies across the CFL are desperately growing out their beards, but it’s unlikely they’ll have a full and thick authentic Mennonite beard until late in the season.

“Streveler’s a smart guy. He planned ahead and grew his beard out long ago,” said Stegall. “Heck, if I had known about this beard thing I might have won a Grey Cup myself.”

Streveler expressed some misgivings about playing for a team called the “Bombers” but, before signing, the team assured him that it was “just a name” and that pacifist Anabaptists were more than welcome on the team.

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