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moving

Unger the Influence

American Kids Get Day Off School Tomorrow in Order to Pack Up and Move to Canada

November 5, 2024 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA With the fate of the nation hanging in the balance this evening, many American schools are giving the kids a day off school tomorrow. “You know, to pack,” said Principal Rachel Schmidt of […]

Daily Bonnet

Moving Day Quickly Devolves into Petty Competition to See Which Insecure Mennonite Man Can Carry the Most Boxes at Once

May 20, 2023 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB It was moving day for the Krahns of La Crete and you know what that means – a semi-regular gathering of insecure Mennonite men trying to outdo each other by carrying the […]

Daily Bonnet

Manitoba to Repatriate All Mennonites Who Moved to BC

May 14, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A new law will require all Mennonites who moved to BC in the last few decades to sell their million-dollar homes and take up residence over near Rosenort somewheres. “For years, we’ve seen […]

Unger Suspicion

Former Manitobans Now Outnumber Albertans in Alberta

September 23, 2019 Andrew

CALGARY, AB A new report from the government of Alberta indicates that former Manitobans are the largest identifiable group in the province. “There are more ex-pat Manitobans than Alberta-born Albertans,” said premier Jason Kenney. “We’re […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man with Pickup Truck Constantly Asked to Help Move

May 25, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local pickup truck owner Keith Dueck, 33, is going to be pretty busy this summer moving all his friends to their new homes. “I’m pretty booked up,” said Dueck. “I guess that’s what […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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