Mennonite Town Installs Massive New Rug Under which to Sweep All Their Problems


The good folks of Himmelsfeld, Manitoba unveiled a massive new rug this week, under which they intend to sweep all the town’s problems. If it’s large enough, that is.

“We’ve been sweeping our problems under those regular size carpets for years,” said Mrs. Neufeld. “It got to the point where we told the men enough was enough. We’re going need a bigger carpet.”

In an effort to give everyone the impression they live simple lives of blissful harmony, townsfolk have been ignoring the significant social problems that have plagued the community.

“If we don’t sweep our problems under the carpet, then people will see us for what we are. They might even question whether Abe and I are the right men to run this town … and we can’t have that,” said town schultz and head of the elder board Pete Wiebe. “Thankfully, we’ve got this brand new carpet. The carpet-makers have assured us it’s big enough to even hide our growing drug abuse problem.”

The fact that Himmelsfelders have never actually acknowledged or dealt with any of their problems has meant that the town constantly has to upgrade the size of the carpet.

“But it’s all worth it the preserve the lie and a little bit of power,” said Wiebe. “That’s what carpets are all about, right?”

Himmelsfelders were very excited to learn that the very first thing to swept under the new carpet is the truth about town’s schultz and everyone else on the elder board.

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