Mennonite Woman Scores Historic Victory on ‘Jeopardy!’


Mrs. Lina Dueck, 31, outwitted Abe Hiebert this past week, ending Abe’s reign of more than 30 games to become the new Jeopardy! champion.

“He made a risky gamble on that hog question, but I know my sows and boars better than anybody,” proclaimed Dueck. “He may have run the board in the ‘Obscure Knackzoat Flavours’ category, but I managed to pull ahead in ‘Potent Mennonite Potables.’ Every answer in that category was ‘water.'”

Hiebert is feeling really bad about his loss, but in his thirty game reign he managed to rack up more than $75 and a few coupons for the local Co-ops.

“I don’t like to lose, but at least I came away with someting,”  said Hiebert, proudly holding his Co-ops coupon. “And dose questions were hard dis time. I bet Alex Trebecks didn’t even know half of dem yet.”

Dueck now faces two new contestants from Yantsied, both of whom are MBers.

“It’s gonna be tough, especially if they ask about dunking and all that,” said Dueck, “but I’m sure I can pull ahead in the Hymn 606 recitation category. They don’t know nothing about it.”

Dueck has already gone shopping for a new flower dress in preparation for her second appearance tomorrow night.

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