Mennonite Man Claims “Natural Immunity to Tipping”


Area man Garth Toews claims he doesn’t need any medical intervention for his chronic lack of tipping.

“I have natural immunity to tipping,” said Toews. “Every time I reach for my wallet, there’s just something inside me that says, ‘Oba, Toews, put that away yet. She’s paid by the restaurant, isn’t she? And how good was the service, really?'”

Toews has been a regular at local White Spot restaurants for decades and has never once tested positive for tipping.

“I’ve had this immunity for years,” said Toews. “I don’t even need my Martha to remind me about it.”

The news of Toews’s miraculous “immunity to tipping” had Mennonite men scrambling to go for coffee with Toews in hopes that some of that tipping immunity would “shed” onto them.

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