“How do they get the cottage cheese in the vereniki?”: Mennonite Man Unlocks the Vereniki Secret


Centuries of mystery have surrounded the Russian Mennonite delicacy known as the glums vereniki. Just how do they get the cottage cheese in there? It seems impossible. However, this week, local man Earl Pankratz of Altona finally figured it out.

“No one really knew how the cottage cheese got in there,” explained Earl. “There didn’t appear to be any holes of any sort. Many a Mennonite man has tried to figure it out how the glums gets in there and for years I just attributed it to an act of the divine.”

But everything changed for Pankratz this weekend as he was unexpectedly awoken from his peaceful Sunday afternoon meddachschlop.

“Something was going on in the kitchen,” said Pankratz. “I peered around the corner and there was Martha and her sisters lovingly folding dough, and scooping cottage cheese, and pinching corners. It was a sight to behold.”

Earl says he can’t get into any more details than that, as Martha and her sisters have sworn Earl to secrecy, hoping that the Vereniki secret never gets out.

“We don’t want out competitors to find out,” said Martha. “Next thing you know they’ll be knocking off our vereniki stuffing technique.”

Earl plans to wake up early from his afternoon nap next Sunday to find out the secret of how the rhubarb gets in the plautz and how cucumbers are pickled.

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