Four-Part Harmony Slashed to Three After Recent Budget Cuts


In response to recent budgetary pressures, the elder board at West Buhler Mennonite Church has decided to eliminate the tenor part from all songs sung on Sundays.

“Times are tough. We had to make cuts,” said church elder Jeff Goertz. “It’s a 25% reduction in costs. The Doxology might sound a little off as a result, but people will get used to it…they’ll have to.”

The decision did not come lightly, but with a downturn in tithing, the church was forced to take drastic austerity measures.

“Tenor, Bass, Alto, or Soprano – one of them had to go,” said Goertz. “In the end we just put them all in a hat and let the Lord decide.”

The church’s tenors will now be asked to either lower their voice to bass or try to squeeze into the alto range.

“Anyone caught singing tenor will immediately be excommunicated,” said Goertz. “The financial livelihood of the church depends on it.”

With all the money saved by eliminating tenor, the church plans to redo the hardwood in the gymnasium and purchase strobe lights for the worship band.

Abe Claims Landslide Victory in Japanese Election
Death Row Inmate Requests Mennonite Food for Last Meal