Mennonite Family Desperately Tries to Emulate Hallmark Christmas Movie


The Brauns of Swift Current have overcome a number of predictable obstacles this fall and are now ready to sit around an immaculately-decorated table, sing a few songs, and pretend to get along.

“I’m hoping this Christmas will be terrible like a Hallmark movie, rather than terrible like it really is,” said Mrs. Braun. “I much prefer the trite sentimentality of one of those movies to the passive aggressive tension of a real Braun gathering.”

To achieve her goal of achieving the perfect fake Christmas, Braun has rented the fanciest room at Chicken Chef,  tried to mend the relationship between Diane and Edward, and banned all political talk.

“Creating the perfect Hallmark gathering is going to be a challenge this year,” said Mrs. Braun. “But I think if I up the average price of the gifts I’m giving out, everyone should be happy.”

Braun has also hired a hair stylist and hygiene consultant to make sure everyone looks and smells in tip-top shape for all the fake photos she’s going to post on Instagram.

“All I’ve got to do is get the uncles to stop arguing about masks and Oma Krahn or whatever and smile just for a split second while I take a photo,”‘ said Braun. “I sure hope everyone appreciates the false impression I’ve been working so hard to cultivate this year.”

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