Commuter Sets Record for Consecutive Days Dining Alone in Bible College Cafeteria


Area man Jeremy Goerzen, 20, decided he’d save a bit of cash this year and commute to Biebelplatz Bible College from Calgary. But little did Jeremy know what this decision would do for his social status.

“I’ve dined alone at the cafeteria every day this semester,” said Goerzen. “And last semester, too.”

Vegas bookmakers currently have 52:1 odds against Goerzen holding a conversation with another human being and a whopping 305:1 against an attractive young woman sitting down to dine with him.

“I guess I’ve learned my lesson,” said Goerzen. “If only somebody had warned me about the dangers of being a commuter.”

Goerzen plans to live in dorm next year, but experts say the stigma associated with being a “loser commuter” will be hard to shake.

“I wish him all the best,” said Dean of Men Dean Mann. “But a lot of kids around here have a ‘once a commuter always a commuter’ attitude.”

Goerzen also briefly played for the Bible College soccer team, but quit after realizing no one was ever going to pass him the ball.

(photo credit: smoinen/CC)

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