Church Approves Muting Pastor’s Mic at Upcoming Service


Attendees at the upcoming South Nashville Mennonite Church service this Sunday will be given the ability to mute the pastor whenever they think he’s off base or speaking out of turn.

“After last Sunday we knew we had to do something,” said church elder Karen Miller. “That man was going on and on about submission and head coverings and all that nonsense. He didn’t even shut up when the choir went up to sing Peace in the Valley.”

Not only was Pastor Dave’s sermon complete and utter nonsense, but he interrupted the service on numerous occasions, once to telling the worship leader she had the wrong scripture, then to tell the children doing the special number that they were singing the wrong song, and then twice during the announcements.

“He even interrupted the prayer a few times,” said Miller. “It was really getting out of hand. The man’s gotta be reined in a little.”

Church members will each be given a remote control to turn down the volume or completely mute the pastor at their discretion.

“It also releases a mild electric shock if you think he’s saying anything particularly egregious,” said Miller. “The people are finally taking back this church!”

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