Man Who Believes Any Stupid Crap He Reads Online Thinks You’re the One Who’s a Sheep


Local man Mr. Kooltje, 43, who gets all his information from memes and YouTube videos, believes that those who don’t believe stupid crap they find online are “sheep.”

“They’re just obeying whatever the doctors and scientists are telling them,” said Kooltje. “Whereas I don’t conform to anyone but this one guy I found online.”

Kooltje is very critical of government authority, but has unquestioned allegiance to some dude he found online.

“I can’t believe all those sheeple would just turn off their brains like that and just go along with the conspiracy,” said Kooltje. “What they ought to be doing is delving into the bowels of the Internet and then just believing without question anything they find there.”

Kooltje describes himself as a free thinker and says it’s just a coincidence that he happens to think exactly like all his friends and everyone he associates with online.

“We’re all independent thinkers who just happen to believe exactly the same stupid shit we found online,” said Kooltje. “The key to being a free thinker like me is to automatically dismiss anything that comes from mainstream media, but at the same time accept, without question, anything you find on message boards. That’s the way true intellectuals like myself have been doing it for years!”

Kooltje scoffed at the notion he has something to learn from actual experts, claiming that expertise is just a ruse to prevent ill-informed basement-dwelling dudes in Cheeto-stained boxer shorts from rising to their rightful place as rulers of the universe.

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