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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Joe Biden to be Replaced with Napping Mennonite Man

December 7, 2021 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS After a tight vote in the US Senate, President Joe Biden has been ousted and will be replaced with a half-asleep Mennonite man from just outside Goessel, Kansas. “Shhh, you don’t want to […]

Unger Suspicion

Highway 75 Re-opens, Still Just as Shitty as Before

November 27, 2021 Andrew

MORRIS, MB When southbound traffic on Manitoba’s most prestigious highway Number 75 was re-opened today after being closed briefly due to winter weather, drivers were shocked to discover road conditions were still just as shitty […]

Unger Suspicion

New Movie Stars Matt Damon as the Last Ever Dueck

November 18, 2021 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Spoiler Alert. Matt Damon dies at the end of The Last Dueck. Or maybe he doesn’t? I guess you’ll just have to see which of the Duecks survive in this brand new film […]

Unger Suspicion

Timothéeee Chalamet Adds a Couple Extra E’s

November 16, 2021 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Dune star Timothéeee Chalamet has just broken the record for more successive E’s in a name after having his name legally changed from Timothée to Timothéeee earlier this week. “I looked at my name up there […]

Unger Suspicion

Pop Star Releases New ‘Voices Together (Taylor’s Version)’

November 14, 2021 Andrew

WEST READING, PA It’s a little known fact that as a young girl in Pennsylvania, pop star Taylor Swift became quite familiar with the Mennonite Church hymnal. This, according to Swift, is what inspired her […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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