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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Timothéeee Chalamet Adds a Couple Extra E’s

November 16, 2021 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Dune star Timothéeee Chalamet has just broken the record for more successive E’s in a name after having his name legally changed from Timothée to Timothéeee earlier this week. “I looked at my name up there […]

Unger Suspicion

Pop Star Releases New ‘Voices Together (Taylor’s Version)’

November 14, 2021 Andrew

WEST READING, PA It’s a little known fact that as a young girl in Pennsylvania, pop star Taylor Swift became quite familiar with the Mennonite Church hymnal. This, according to Swift, is what inspired her […]

Unger Suspicion

Critics Call New ‘Dueck’ Movie Just a Rip-off of ‘Star Wars’

November 11, 2021 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Although many have praised the performance of young star Timothéeeeeeeee Schellenmet, critics have found many parallels between the new Dueck movie and its clear influence Star Wars. “It’s like Star Wars except they’re […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipeger Super Jealous of All the Attention Brandon’s Been Getting Lately

November 8, 2021 Andrew

BRANDON, MB One resident of Manitoba’s largest city is sick and tired of all the support arch-rival Brandon’s been getting as of late. “Everyone’s all ‘Let’s go Brandon, let’s go!” explained hurt U of W […]

Unger Suspicion

Heather Stefanson Finds Huge Mound of Zoat Left Over in Premier’s Office

November 2, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After two months in office, Manitoba’s first Mennonite premier sure knacked a lot of zoat. This, according to new premier Heather Stefanson, who had to hire a backhoe to remove all of Kelvin […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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