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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Church Boycotts ‘Sexy Centennial’ Celebrations

July 1, 2017 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB As Canadians gather today to celebrate 150 years of nationhood, members of a small town Mennonite church will not be participating in the festivities. “I don’t know what the heck this ‘sexy-centennial’ […]

Unger Suspicion

Trudeau Insists Kill-Shot is ‘Merely a Flesh Wound’

June 27, 2017 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Days after a Canadian sniper set a world record by killing an Iraqi man from a really frickin’ long distance, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is deflecting accusations that Canada’s involvement in Iraq has moved […]

Unger Games

Toronto Riots After Discovering It’s Not the Centre of Canada

June 26, 2017 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Toronto City Council held an emergency meeting this past week after a large ‘Centre of Canada’ sign was erected on the highway near the small town of Landmark, Manitoba. “What on earth is this?” asked […]

Unger Suspicion

Richard Dawkins Comes Forward at Tent Revival Meeting

June 25, 2017 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Renowned atheist and best-selling author Richard Dawkins, who was in town yesterday to attend the wedding of a distant cousin, was seen entering a local big tent revival meeting, undoubtedly lured in by […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Sniper Sets Record for World’s Longest Deliberately-Missed Shot

June 24, 2017 Andrew

MOSUL, IRAQ A Mennonite sniper in Iraq deliberately missed his target more than two miles away, breaking the world record for the longest purposefully-missed sniper shot in military history. “I could have got him, but I just shot above […]

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