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Unger the Influence

Unger & Thirst

Stash of Roll Kuchen Discovered Beneath Trudeau’s Desk

March 21, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Prime Minister Justin Trudeau had to apologize to the Canadian people once again this past week after a stash of delicious roll kuchen was discovered hidden beneath his desk in the House of […]

Unger Suspicion

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez a Big Hit on Hutterite Colony

February 18, 2019 Andrew

WOKE RIVER COLONY, SD A young Hutterite woman at Woke River Colony in South Dakota had some explaining to do after dozens of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez posters were found prominently displayed on her bedroom walls this […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Politician Demands $5 Billion Wall Around Morden

January 9, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Church board member and man-about-town Mr. Toews of Winkler is threatening to shut down the local government unless the local senate approves a $5.7 billon wall around the neighbouring town of Morden. “You […]

Unger Suspicion

Court Rules 69-Year-Old Dutch Man is Actually a ‘Whiny Little Toddler’

December 4, 2018 Andrew

ARNHEM, NETHERLANDS A Dutch court has ruled today that local senior Milan Ratelbrand, 69, is actually legally “one-and-half years old, or two at best.” Ratelbrand had sued the government to have his age lowered by […]

The Daily Bonnet

Caravan of Mennonites Heading for U.S. Border

November 5, 2018 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC The Driedger family of Abbotsford have loaded up their Dodge Caravan and are currently heading for the U.S. border. Authorities are on high alert, having been notified not to let any caravans enter […]

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