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Unger the Influence

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Grandma Smuggles Baking Powder into White House, Plans to Make Zwieback

July 6, 2023 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Mrs. Janzen of Goessel, Kansas has been arrested in the nation’s capital this week after smuggling a Ziploc bag full of what she says is baking powder into the White House. “I thought […]

Unger the Influence

Maxime Bernier Spotted Sobbing Outside ‘Winners’ Store

June 21, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Maxime Bernie was spotted curled up in a ball and sobbing outside a Winners store in Winnipeg, Manitoba this week. “He told me to pull over as soon as he saw the sign.” […]

Unger the Influence

Liberals Update Passport to Include Sausages from Across Canada

May 23, 2023 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Fears that the new Canadian passport would be a little too bland for the tastes of Canadians were proved to be unfounded this week after the Liberal government revealed a new sausage-filled passport. […]

Unger the Influence

In Resurfaced Music Video, Danielle Smith Calls 75% of Albertans “Crazy Mennonites Living in an Amish Paradise”

May 10, 2023 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB In a recently resurfaced music video from the mid-90s, Alberta Premier Danielle Smith was caught on camera saying that “75% of Albertans are all crazy Mennonites living in an Amish paradise.” “Hitchin’ up […]

Unger the Influence

Maxime Bernier Spotted Parachuting Above Winkler, Manitoba

May 8, 2023 Andrew

WINKLER, MB It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s Maxime Bernier. Winkler residents had their eyes fixed on the skies this week, after hearing rumours that PPC leader Maxime Bernier would be parachuting into their […]

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