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Unger the Influence

Unger the Influence

Pierre Poilievre Debuts New Mennonite Look

July 10, 2023 Andrew

LINDEN, AB Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre felt his current look was “just not conservative enough” and debuted a lovely new Mennonite beard this week. “Kind of a miracle really. Took me just three days to […]

Unger the Influence

Daring Young Women Brave Enough to Wave Canadian Flag in Nation’s Capital

July 9, 2023 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Two young women, Beatrice Penner, 21, and Agatha Plett, 24, braved the streets of Toronto earlier this week to show off their nation’s colours. “I was worried people would think we were the […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Grandma Smuggles Baking Powder into White House, Plans to Make Zwieback

July 6, 2023 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Mrs. Janzen of Goessel, Kansas has been arrested in the nation’s capital this week after smuggling a Ziploc bag full of what she says is baking powder into the White House. “I thought […]

Unger the Influence

Maxime Bernier Spotted Sobbing Outside ‘Winners’ Store

June 21, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Maxime Bernie was spotted curled up in a ball and sobbing outside a Winners store in Winnipeg, Manitoba this week. “He told me to pull over as soon as he saw the sign.” […]

Unger the Influence

Liberals Update Passport to Include Sausages from Across Canada

May 23, 2023 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Fears that the new Canadian passport would be a little too bland for the tastes of Canadians were proved to be unfounded this week after the Liberal government revealed a new sausage-filled passport. […]

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