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Unger the Influence

Unger Suspicion

US Supreme Court to be Expanded from 9 Members to 535 and Renamed ‘Congress’

May 8, 2022 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC After nearly 250 of years of pretending there were three distinct branches of US government, the United States Supreme Court will be expanded by 526 members and will be renamed Congress. “Who are […]

Unger Suspicion

Liberals and NDP Merge to form “Giant Scary Socialist Robot from Outer Space”

April 6, 2022 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON The Canadian government has undergone a transformation this week and is now under the control of a huge ugly socialist robot from outer space. “OMG! Look, it’s Socialist Prime!” tweeted concerned citizen Mr. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Super Disappointed He Can’t Use His Fake Vaccine Passport Anymore

March 13, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local man Mr. Thiessen is super upset at the Manitoba government for removing his ability to use his fake vaccine passport. “After all this money I invested in getting this fake thing made, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Writer Starts Lucrative New Business Proofreading Protest Signs

March 4, 2022 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Local Mennonite writer Wilma Thiessen, 41, has started a lucrative new side hustle correcting spelling and grammar on protest signs. “Ah, see, you need two Ps in ‘oppression’ there, Mr. Klassen,” said Thiessen. […]

Unger Suspicion

Manitoba Government Declares Winter Over as of March 1

March 3, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Despite a preponderance of evidence to the contrary, winter is officially over, according to the Manitoba government who picked March 1 as the “first day of spring.” “What the heck? I’ve still got […]

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