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Unger the Influence

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Worried Bill Gates is Microchipping the Schmaunt Fat

May 15, 2020 Andrew

REDMOND, WA Billionaire philanthropist Bill Gates has been the subject of a wide variety of speculation as of late. ‘Just why is he suddenly so concerned about our health and well-being after subjecting us to […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Gun Control Laws Leave Local Man “Completely Defenceless” Against Government Armed with Tanks and Fighter Jets

May 7, 2020 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Local man Mr. Wiebe, who left the Mennonite Church decades ago to attend one more receptive to his gun-toting lifestyle, is just now starting to wonder whether his remaining collection of legal […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Grow-ops Switch to Making Hand Sanitizer

April 3, 2020 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Since the recent health crisis, thousands of grow-ops throughout British Columbia have been ditching the recreational drugs and converting their facilities to the full-scale production of hand sanitizer. “It’s just one way of […]

Unger Suspicion

Angry Mob Demands that Trudeau Subsist Entirely on Timbits

January 21, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Typical Canada. Donuts made headlines across the nation today. “We interrupt our coverage of various real tragedies and important situations around the globe to bring you this important news about donuts!” Thousands of […]

Unger Suspicion

Frasier Institute Petitions Government to Send More Tax Money to Kelsey Grammer

December 12, 2019 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BC The venerable right-wing think tank ‘The Frasier Institute’ is sick and tired of all the government money that’s being wasted and would prefer if all those tax dollars went directly to Kelsey Grammer […]

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