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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Willy Warkentin Offers 5 Golden Tickets to Visit Cheese Factory

August 6, 2021 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB The elusive and mysterious Willy Warkentin will finally come out of hiding after ten long years and plans to offer public tours of his famous cheese factory. “I have hidden five golden […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Shames Restaurant by Weighing Farmer Sausage to Prove it’s Underweight

August 1, 2021 Andrew

GRUENHIMMEL, SK Mr. Harder was aghast at the minuscule portion size of farmer sausage he received at a local Mennonite restaurant in Blummenhimmel this week and immediately asked to speak to the manager. “I’ve been […]

Unger & Thirst

Winkler Declares Schmaunt Fat Rationing Emergency

July 28, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Just hours after neighbouring Morden announced they would be rationing the water supply, the City of Winkler held a press conference to declare a shortage of schmaunt fat. “Due to the schmaunt fat […]

Unger & Thirst

Heroic Mennonite Woman Stops Her Husband from Eating the Soap

July 20, 2021 Andrew

ARBORG, MB It was a close call this week after Diane Penner stepped in just as the last second before her husband Earl was about to chow down on a particularly delicious-looking piece of soap. […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Leaves Church Early to “Check on the Smoker”

July 18, 2021 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Local man Randy Baerg, 41, had to leave church early this past Sunday to check on his smoker. As soon Jack Froese and Billy Wiebe got word that Randy was scooching down the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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