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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Mostly Just in it for the Icing and Sprinkles

April 3, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB For Jack Klassen of Winkler, the faintly lemon-tasting bun of paska is secondary compared to the icing and sprinkles. “Basically, the bun is a receptacle for transporting icing and sprinkles to my mouth,” […]

Unger & Thirst

How old were you when you first began to like borscht?

April 2, 2021 Andrew

As a child of the 1980s, I grew up primarily on Chicken McNuggets with sweet and sour sauce (or barbecue if I’d been good that week), so it was only later in life that I […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Spends All Day Making Coleslaw No One Will Eat

March 29, 2021 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Eleanor Funk, 71, has been working tirelessly all day chopping cabbage and mixing it with carrots, lemon juice, mayonnaise, and vinegar in preparation for tomorrow’s delightful Funk Easter gathering in which not a […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Grandma Frees Up Some Freezer Space to Store Vaccines

March 24, 2021 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB Grandma Dueck of Rosenort spent her entire weekend making space in her freezer for the new Pfizer vaccine, which she heard requires super low temperatures that only a Mennonite grandma’s freezer can support. […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites 67 and Older Now Eligible for Schmaunt Fat Injections

March 22, 2021 Andrew

ALTONA, MB There was a scramble to get appointments at the Schmaunt Fat Injection Super Site in Winnipeg after the province lowered the age of eligibility to 67 this week. “Oba, finally, I can get […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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