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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Strangers on Russlaender Train Agree to Swap Recipes

July 12, 2023 Andrew

SOMEWHERE IN NORTHERN ONTARIO, ON In what has been described as the most nefarious plot in Mennonite history, two complete strangers on the Russlaender 100th Anniversary train trip across Canada have agreed to swap zwieback […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Grandma Smuggles Baking Powder into White House, Plans to Make Zwieback

July 6, 2023 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Mrs. Janzen of Goessel, Kansas has been arrested in the nation’s capital this week after smuggling a Ziploc bag full of what she says is baking powder into the White House. “I thought […]

Unger & Thirst

MennoCon23 Attendee Caught Skipping Session to Get BBQ

July 5, 2023 Andrew

KANSAS CITY, MO Mrs. Janzen, delegate from Oregon Mennonite Church, was caught skipping the afternoon seminar this Wednesday to get ahead of the rush at Arthur Bryant’s. “What do you expect?” said Janzen. “We don’t […]

Unger & Thirst

Americans to Consume More than 2 Million Tons of Baked Beans Today

July 4, 2023 Andrew

HUBBARD, OR According to the FDA, Americans consume more than 2 million tons of molasses baked beans every 4th of July. The volume of baked bean consumption has some officials worried about air quality this […]

Unger & Thirst

Billionaires Rescued from Meatball Sub

June 21, 2023 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB The fate of highly successful flax farmer Darren Klassen and his billionaire farmer buddies hangs in the balance at a southern Manitoba sandwich shop this afternoon. “Will he risk it with the meatball […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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